The subtle art of sucking

Okay... that title sounds really sexual and I apologise because this post isn't about that. Instead we get to talk about something way less fun... being a beginner.

I recently recorded my first podcast episode. Safe to say it will never see the light of day because damn, I sucked.

It could've been the lack of notes, the lack of preparation or the lack of energy but listening back to the episode I'm forced to admit that my skills have a long way to go before I'd be proud of them.

This is always the way with anything new. We're always going to suck but everytime I try something new I'm always surprised. It's like I think that rule applies to everyone else but me.

I don't think it's conceit as much as a lack of permission. I do not give myself permission to suck because being a student is a painful place to be.

Not knowing how much you don't know is really unsettling for a species that loves to control things as minor as the temperature of their car seats. Why would anyone want to be a student?

Other then that on the other side of sucking is knowledge. It's the ultimate test, can you endure admitting that you know nothing, that you suck, and then do it anyway in the hopes that one day you might get better?

I mean, I feel like I do this everyday with writing, maybe even living, I don't know what I'm doing... maybe that's what makes it so hard for an adult because you feel like you should know.

Maybe I should take a leaf from my younger self and stop trying to control everything. Recognise that nothing is as big a deal as it seems and then just try and have fun with it.

Sounds good in theory.

But theory isn't real. I suppose all that's left to do is decide if it's worth it.

It is.

So I guess I'll just be a student forever... does that mean I can get student discounts on things?